We Get to Choose

I Ate my Anger

2011-07-27T05:58:00.000-05:00

I didn't sleep last night. My daughter spilled nail polish on her carpet. The same tan carpet that already sports a burgundy splotch from years ago. I was more angry because she not-so-quietly came into my bedroom at 2:30 to get some carpet cleaner when I caught her. Thank goodness I told her NOT to use it. I hadn't fallen asleep yet. My light was out, but still awake. After this, I was so wide awake and angry that I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs. I ate my anger and 3 Chips Ahoy cookies and 6 ounces of skim milk. It could have been a lot worse. But, I was never able to fall back to sleep. Lack of sleep causes me to eat more than usual, and to make poor food choices. Complete lack of sleep will also affect my mood as the day goes on. I have already had my breakfast. I have a headache. I'm less angry. But my daughter is asleep. It didn't help that she apologized. That doesn't give me my 8 hours of rest back. It doesn't make her room clean. It doesn't remove the nail polish or the smell of remover. It didn't calm my angry voice still talking to me in my head. The scale read 123.2. So discouraging.

Something Clicked

2011-07-20T10:11:00.000-05:00

I have been unhappy with my weight (as high as 125.9 in recent weeks), yet unmotivated and unwilling to do what I know works. I needed to find that inner mentor/guide and keep the inner tyrant at bay. I did not want to become obsessive about counting calories, points, steps taken, ounces of water, number on the scale, or any other number that my inner tyrant likes to use to beat me about the head.

I also know that the majority of us underestimate the amount of calories we consume and overestimate our exertion during exercise. I was one. I am now in the minority. This time, because I read Younger Next Year for Women by Chris Crowley and Henry Lodge. Here are some gems from the book:

"All right, think of exercise as a one-a-day pill. A feel-good pill that ought to be illegal but isn't."

"So keep a simple diary .... write down, every day .. 1) what I ate, 2) what I did for exercise (or didn't), and 3) what I did with my life - sexually, socially, morally...whatever you care about. It is a tremendous help to know....that someone cares. Even if it's just you."

I have been trying to eat intuitively. I admit, I am not that in-touch with my body to do that just yet. I admit, I have not really been exerting myself like I should/could, even when walking on the treadmill. I have been (under)estimating calories eaten for sure. Two things are keeping me honest and informed: the heart rate monitor while exercising and writing down what I eat and drink. I lost 2.7 pounds this week (currently 121.7). Something is working. Maybe it's my own awareness. Maybe I found my inner mentor. So far, this is working. It's the right amount of structure for me and the right amount of feedback.

The funny thing is, I'm eating much healthier, feeling much better, figuring out how to listen to my body, and I'm not hungry at all. It is so much less about the number on the scale (which admittedly still matters) than it is about what my body needs and wants.

A New Approach

2011-07-17T12:35:00.000-05:00

A large part of me loves to track stats - like calories, fat grams, fiber grams, etc. I get obsessed about calories burned too. I am going to try to appease that part of me and find some balance and moderation. I will write down what I eat, but not be so anal about it. I will wear a heart rate monitor while exercising so I can track what % of my max heart rate I am in. I'll write down those calories burned, but no more.

I want to find a balanced way to make healthy choices without getting bogged down in stats. I'm still trying to find a way that works for the long haul.

So, I am committing to myself that I'll exercise for at least an hour every day for the next week. I will lift weights 2 more time this week (I lifted yesterday), giving my muscles 48 hours to recover before lifting again.

Challenges with Eating Out

2011-06-29T13:59:00.000-05:00

I'm on vacation this week. I'm thrilled to be down 1.5 pounds from last week, but afraid I'll regain it this week because of plans to eat out. I know how to do this. I know how to look at menus and make good choices. But, one thing that I hope to achieve this week is eating CONSCIOUSLY. So often I sit down, eat, and don't even pay attention until the last bite. Now, I'm becoming aware about half-way through the meal. So much that I read says to eat S-L-O-W-L-Y and to really enjoy each bite. When I remember to do this, I really do eat less because I am more satisfied.

I haven't exercised yet today because it's been a travel day. And, I've only had 4 1/2 hours sleep (early flight and couldn't fall asleep) so I know this can contribute to pour eating habits. But, I am AWARE of this, so hopefully I'll just end up going to bed early.

Tonight is Fondue. I will go easy on the cheese, have vegetables and only a piece or two of bread, enjoy the salad (dressing on the side) and have one or two small pieces of something dipped in chocolate for dessert. I'll forgo the glass of chardonnay for water, and eat slowly. This is even harder when I am with others because the conversation can be a distraction.

124.4

2011-06-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

I have resorted to tracking again. I thought I was done with this and was ready for 'intuitive' eating. I was wrong. For someone who used to like to be 'right' I have realized over the years that I really don't always know what I am doing. I don't have all the answers. I am willing to be wrong.

The other night we ate at Chili's. Now I know how to track WW points, calories, read restaurant menus, make sound choices. But, I also know that I put my head in the sand and look the other way and pretend that my choices aren't all that bad sometimes. My Chili's Black Bean burger (with ranch ON THE SIDE) on a wheat bun and steamed broccoli seemed like a good choice. I used to get this all the time (and eat half). This time I ate 3/4 of it, 75% of the broccoli. Together that was 484 calories. My son and I shared a brownie sundae - big mistake! The whole thing has 1290 calories. I ate 1/4 = 322.5 calories - sooooo not worth it. The sundae was most definitely NOT an intuitive choice, and I was not physically hungry before I ate it. My dinner alone was 806 calories! My maintenance level is 1142 calories. No wonder I am not losing these 8 pounds. I have been refusing to be honest about my choices. I have ignored the reality that I am NOT making good choices. I have been pretending that I can do this without paying attention to calories. At this point in time, I need to keep track.

My Jimmy John's #4 with cheese no mayo for lunch yesterday was 316.5 calories (I only ate 3/4) and my Thinny Chips (90% of them) were 117 calories. Tracking is eye-opening. Again. Yesterday I finished at 1303 calories consumed, 306 calories burned on the treadmill. A part of me loves crunching numbers AND a part of me sits with her head in hands, discouraged, wondering if I'll ever be able to figure this out 'intuitively.' For now, it's more important to me to lose the 8 pounds. I know how to do that with the calories in versus calories burned method. I'm headed for the treadmill now.

Naturally Thin

2011-06-27T09:36:00.000-05:00

Heidi Lauckhardt-Rhoades wrote, "A naturally thin person does not overeat seriously, watch someone who is naturally thin. They eat until satisfied and that’s it." on The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans site. Yes, when I was naturally thin, I never overate. I ate what I wanted, didn't count calories, didn't even really care what a calorie was. I ate until I was satisfied, but I don't know that I would have even been able to articulate that. I think I would have just said that I was finished. Done. Full. Fine. Didn't want anymore. How did I know I was done? I don't recall.

Now, I can eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream until that last chunk of chocolate is found and finished. If there is more 'monkey' left when the 'chunky' is all eaten, I dump it down the garbage disposal. I get very upset if I eat the last chunk of chocolate and don't realize it's the LAST ONE. It's as if I am eating to get to the last chunk of chocolate. This is not the behavior of a naturally thin person. How would a naturally thin person eat Chunky Monkey? WOULD a naturally thin person even buy it, much less eat it? Yes, I ate it when I was naturally thin. Someone else put a serving in a bowl for me. I didn't know how many chunks of chocolate were in my bowl or in that pint. I enjoyed each bite, or enjoyed the taste and texture and when it was finished I didn't give it a second thought. I paid more attention to the conversations and the people I was with. This is an actual scene from my past that I have just described. I was actually the very first time I ever ate Chunky Monkey ice cream.

For today, I will act AS IF I am naturally thin. I will eat AS IF I am naturally thin. I will behave AS IF I am naturally thin. I'll let you know how it goes.

Here I Go Again

2011-06-27T08:25:00.002-05:00

I am a yo-yo dieter. Today I weigh 124.6 pounds. I have been in the process of figuring out why I keep gaining and losing and gaining and losing the same 8-10 pounds. I am not someone who had a weight issue as a child. If anything, I was always on the thin side of average. As a teen, I developed an overactive thyroid and lost weight. Back then (the 1970's) anorexia wasn't something I even knew about, but I looked as if I had anorexia. I didn't. It took many years to regain the weight. Ever since my first child was born, it's required 'effort' to lose weight. After she was born, my thyroid took a turn in the opposite direction and stopped working. I managed to lose the baby weight (down to 118 pounds) so that I could immediately get pregnant with baby number two (which I did, less than three months after my daughter was born).

I had baby #3 a little less than two years after my second child. That child is 16 years old now. And this weight lose/gain cycle is getting old, boring, depressing, discouraging, and frustrating. I can lose the weight. I've done it using many, many different methods. It's keeping it off that seems to be the problem. This time, a part of me won't even let me BEGIN the losing process unless and until I figure out the maintenance part. This is a story about my journey. Looking back on the last 16 years and looking at what's happening today. With insight, I hope resolve this weight loss and maintenance issue for good!

Picnics and Pounds

2006-07-04T10:47:00.000-05:00

First, I have lost another 2.3 pounds! I am down to 116.2, which is a 7.4 pound loss from the beginning of this process. Last night I had already convinced myself that I would eat anything and everything I wanted today. But, after seeing the scale this morning, I think I just might make some better choices. Once I see the progress on the scale and in my body, I no longer want to jeopardize the process.

We are having a July 4th picnic today. With twelve adults and fifteen kids we have a lot of food and fun planned. Yesterday the kids and I made a bean salad - all three kids refuse to try it. My daughter made brownies and some frozen alcoholic drinks. She also made non-alcoholic versions for the kids. Friends are bringing all kinds of side dishes. We have chicken, beef, burgers, hot dogs, fruit salads, and all kinds of desserts (including my friend's to-die-for fudge!).

I am getting on the treadmill now. But, I will write more about our fun activities and foods and drinks (recipes also) tomorrow! Happy Independence day.

This blog is participating in the diet, which is sponsored by The Diet Channel. Join us if you are inspired to lose weight and get in shape!

Vacations and Weight Loss

2006-06-27T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today is my one-month weigh in since joining Colin Devroe's the diet. I began on May 29th at 123.6 and today I am at 118.5. That is a loss of 5.1 pounds. I am extremely happy with this since I spent the last 2 weeks in Orlando, FL on vacation. I am actually up .9 pounds from my June 15th weigh-in, but I'm happy that I am taking the weight off again!

I have to say that I was not keeping to my good food choices while in Orlando. I also did not exercise daily like I do at home. I expected a larger weight gain than I had, but am pleased that I have fallen right back into my routine and better eating habits.

Here is what I consider to be some DON'Ts for vacations (all of which I did these last two weeks):

Don't go on vacation without a plan. Plan what types of food choices to make in restaurants, or what types of foods to purchase (we had a condo with a full kitchen). Plan to incorporate exercise or movement into your vacation.
Don't give yourself permission to indulge. After 2 days of decent food choices (fruits, veggies, salads with dressing on the side, lean meat, fish) I decided "heck with it" and as each day progressed I ate more calories, more fat, less fiber, less protein, and more desserts!
Don't ignore the scale. Our condo had two scales - one in each bathroom. I weighed myself the first 3 days. One day 3, I watched the scale (not a digital) needle go back above the 120 pound mark. That's when I decided to ignore the scale the remaining 11 days.
Don't stop exercising. Even though we spent quite a few days walking the Disney theme parks, we also spent many afternoons and evenings lounging around the pool or pond. I fully intended to go to a local Curves, but the closest one was over 8 miles away. The hotel that was affiliated with our condos was over a mile away (not easily accessbile) where the 'gym' was located. I never really made any effort to continue to exercise the entire two weeks.
Don't stop drinking water. Even though it was in the 90's every day, I did not keep up with my water intake. I am sure this contributed to my vacation weight gain (somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-5 pounds). Okay, so a Hot Fudge Sundae, sausage, bacon, 3 pieces of chocolate cake and a smore's dessert didn't help!
Don't stop tracking what, when, or how much you eat. Portion sizes seem to increase on vacation. One dessert leads to another the next night. Buffets and irregular eating times can really make for excessive or unhealthy food choices.

Vacation DOs:

Choose a condo/hotel/location with easy access to exercise equipment, walking paths, or any sport you enjoy playing (golf, tennis, volleyball). And more importantly, plan these activities into your day!
Research before you leave home. I could have looked into the local restaurants and determined the best food choices on the menus. I could have made better choices at the grocery store. I could have planned ways to incorporate exercise into my days. Coulda, woulda, shoulda..... no matter what you DID on vacation, get right back on track when you get home! Don't beat yourself up - just refocus.
Write down what you eat! I began this process, but gave it up after the first few days. Had I continued to track this information, I might have continued to eat more fruit, salads, and lean proteins. This would have been a daily reminder of how well (or not) I was eating.
Weigh every day. If you have acess to a scale - use it! By putting your head in the sand, you are only ignoring the reality of where you are. It is better to know where you are than find out after you have added a few pounds. It is easier to keep the weight off than it is to take it off.
Drink water. This is so important. I am usually very good about this. Because I wasn't always willing to run to the bathroom I decided to substantially lower my water intake.

Join the-diet!

This diet is sponsored by The Diet Channel.

Week 2 Weigh-in

2006-06-15T19:02:00.000-05:00

On Monday morning I was at 117.6 pounds - and sooooo happy about that. But...... we are now in Orlando on vacation so I have no way of weighing in accurately. I am trying to make good food choices and do have a scale here at the condo, so I will continue to weigh and report. This scale is not digital so I will be happy as long as I remain in the 117-120 range while here.

I hope everyone else on the diet is doing well. I can only hope that I do not over-indulge while on this vacation. Fresh fruit and fresh seafood and salads will be my saving grace. I also brought whey protein powder with me and we do eat breakfast in the condo. Lot's of water is also helpful and easy to drink since it's 90+ degrees outside. Walking the Disney theme parks is also helpful, but I am missing my Curves and free weight workouts and my treadmill.

I'll report in on Tuesday, while still in sunny Florida!

Colin obtained a sponsor for his diet, so if you would like to join in and participate, feel free to check out the diet site on Colin's blog or The Diet Channel for their sponsorship!

Weigh Day

2006-06-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

Oh Happy Day. Last week I began at 123.9 pounds and today I am at 119.6 pounds, a loss of 4.3 pounds - yeah for me. Now, I know that this is a lot of weight, especially since I don't have much left to lose, but I knew I would lose more than 2 pounds this past week. My eating habits were so poor that cleaning up my eating, would result in a larger drop in weight.

I am also aware that it is not just fat that I lost, but I did what I could to minimize the muscle loss. I ate a lot more protein. I even had supplemental protein in the form of whey protein powder in water or in milk. I have also been lifting free weights and using hydrolic machines at Curves.

This next week I anticipate about a 2 pound loss. I will continue to eat well and exercise daily. I am really excited about finally getting back to a more comfortable weight for me. I am also excited that I can continue to eat healthy like I am and not feel like I'm on a 'diet.'

Check out Colin's Blog to see how everyone else has done this week.

Eating to Live!

2006-06-05T12:56:00.000-05:00

Eat that you may live and not live to eat. - Aristotle

I am begining to think that I have conquered cravings! How?

I am staying focused on my goal of eating healthier, getting fitter, and of course, Colin's diet challenge.
Drastically reducing sugar intake without eliminating it.
Making food decisions ahead of time.
Drinking plenty of water.
Tracking what I eat.
Being Mindful.
Eating a protein snack in place of a sweet snack.

I consciously began incorporating these into my daily routine. Now, they are becoming habits that I hope I will continue.

Staying Focused. When I wanted something sweet, initially I would reach for a low-calorie, low-fat treat. I didn't deny myself the desired treat. I have learned from past experience that if I try to deny myself, then I only want that treat even more than before. Now, I keep this diet challenge in the back of my mind. It has become a personal challenge to permanently change my eating habits. With this primary goal in mind, I find secondary goals (like better snack choices) much easy to achieve. If something doesn't support my ultimate goal, then I am now less likely to even consider it an option. Staying focused on my goal makes it easy to stay away from sugary snacks.

Reducing Sugar Intake. While I am not counting grams or teaspoons of sugar I consume, I am looking at labels and being much more aware of how much sugar I eat. For example, today I had a Lean Cuisine for lunch and noticed that while it is a prepared food, it only has 3 grams of sugar. Reader's Digest has an article on 23 ways to Painlessly Lower Your Sugar Intake that I found helpful.

Planning Ahead. I tend to be a rather impulsive person so planning has not been my nature. This has resulted in poor food choices since I would either eat what was readily available, drive through the nearest fast food restaurant, or would eat anything without considering the nutritional value. Now, I anticipate where I will be and what I might eat. While at a workshop on Saturday, a friend and I walked to a restaurant rather than eat the buffet available at the hotel. I chose vegetable soup and a turkey burger (my first!). Although the server brought an entire crock of soup, I had one bowl. I requested steamed veggies instead of the french fries and ate only half the bun. At a graduation party that evening I had small portions of chicken, baked beans and pasta salad. I did have cake, but a small piece, and after four days of very little sweets, the cake was not as delicious as I thought it would be.

Drinking Water. If I have a craving for something sweet the first think I do is reach for my water bottle. The Mayo Clinic has an article about the health benefits of water. They even include a nifty little 'poster' you can click on to see the functions of water in the body. Your personal water requirements will depend on a number of factors; I drink 64 ounces a day (8-8 ounce glasses).

Tracking Food. Looking what I have eaten for a day helps me to see how healthy my choices are. I am also aware of how many calories I have left for the day and how well I am doing with fiber and protein intake. When I compare these figures to the empty, non-nutritional calories of a cookie, chocolate treat, or ice cream, it's easy for me to either forego the treat or replace it with something that has nutritional value (like almonds or an apple).

Mindfulness. Being aware of what I am eating, what my choices are, what my body needs, and how I feel, help me stay away from junk (which for me is sugary) food. Mindfulness includes no longer reaching for something while talking on the phone, while walking past the pantry, eating 'just one' cookie, and thinking I want something sweet. I thought awareness was half my battle. Yet, when I became more aware, I found there really was no 'battle' to battle. Awareness has changed my perspective.

Protein. Protein helps you feel full. After some research on nutrition, I learned that I didn't eat enough protein. Increasing my protein intake is not only helping me curb sugar cravings, it is helping me to reduce my weight. WebMD has a good article on the benefits of protein.

I am actually looking forward to my one-week weigh in. Even more than the weight loss, I am looking forward to my future days without all that junk food I never thought I could do without!

Fitter & Healthier!

2006-06-02T19:57:00.000-05:00

I have been doing really well with the weight loss and healthy food choices. I won't post any stats until Tuesday, but here is what I am doing:

Measuring and weighing everything I eat (yes - this can be tedious, but it really focuses my attention on portion sizes.
Writing down everything I eat. Again, this can be tedious, but it really is helping me make better choices. I am tracking Calories, Fat grams, Fiber grams, and Protein grams.
Weighing myself every morning when I get out of bed. I know many people do not agree with or encourage this behavior, but if I don't weigh every day, not knowing this seems to give me license to not care (meaning eat more). So, I step on that scale every morning! Since I have joined Colin's "the-diet," I am happy to say that the number on the scale has decreased daily (even though it is 'that time of the month' and I am perimenopausal;) ).
Walk on the treadmill daily! Today I walked 7 miles. Some days I walk only 3 miles and once a week I skip the treadmill. I cannot seem to walk faster than 3.8 mph due to prior, serious lower back problems. And, I did not walk all 7 miles at one time.
I workout at Curves 3 times a week (Mon, Wed, Fri).
I do an additional 30 minutes of toning with free weights or with Margaret Richard and Body Electric (you can check your local PBS station in your area). I have been exercising with her for 15 years (off and on). She's an inspiration at almost 60 years young!

That's about it for the 'routine.' I even went to Dairy Queen the other night and six of us sat there for over an hour and talked. I got a glass of water - yes just water - and had NO cravings for ice cream. I attribute my determination and mindset (I will not say 'will power' as I don't feel like I have to 'will' myself to do this) to Colin's challenge - Thanks Colin!

Yes, the weekend is upon us. I have an all-day workshop to attend, then a graduation party. I will be running my daughter to various appointments on Sunday, but I am going to stay the course. No Curves over the weekend, and no treadmill on Saturday. I'm off to complete my 30 minutes of toning! I feel lighter already.

Lose the Weight, Get in Shape

2006-06-01T10:31:00.000-05:00

I have stumbled upon Colin Devroe's blog about losing weight and I am joining him and many others in an effort to lose weight, get in shape, and simply support each other.

A month ago, the teachers at my kids' Junior High were having a weekly weigh-in with a monetary challenge. I was tempted to follow along from the sidelines, but quickly forgot about the challenge. I don't know how they did or who won the challenge, but since then I have gained another 2 pounds. I have been doing this - gaining a pound or two each month - since just before Christmas 2005.

I was once a Weight Watcher's lifetime member. It has only been in the last year that I have slipped above my "2 pounds over goal weight" and I have been slowly 'slipping up' since. So, in a effort to curtail any more additional weight, and more importantly, to feel better and to change my eating habits for good, I have joined Colin in his weight loss journey.

I began on May 29, 2006 with my weigh-in at 123.6 pounds (I know, that isn't very much!). My goal is 115 pounds. This not-quite-9-pound gain is actually 2 jeans sizes for me, so this will be a substantial improvement. In addition to the weight goal, I am adding a goal of maintaining this weight through the end of 2006 and beyond!

Please join us and get healthier and fitter this summer. Here is Colin's blog so you can join us. I learned at Weight Watcher's that support can really make a difference. I know it will make the difference for me.

My blog name is We Get to Choose - so right now I am going to focus on making good choices. I choose healthy foods and daily exercise. What will you choose?

I've Only Just Begun

2006-03-03T17:26:00.000-06:00

My first blog. How many other people feel compelled to state that as their first sentence? Nothing profound or entertaining to state at the moment. I am anticipating some sort of 'mind dump' like when I write my morning pages (still long-hand).

I may have only just begun my first blog, but I have been creating my own reality all my life - just like everyone else. One difference may be that I have been consciously creating it for most of my life, thanks to my 'new age' parents back in the 60's and 70's.

Maybe this space will inspire me to resurrect my creative/artistic/materially expressive self. Over the last year I have spent more time with my spiritual, intellectual, analytical and learning/seeking selves.

I just might also record all my synchronistic moments, and aha moments, and even the everyday family, kid, wife, friend, mom moments. For now, this is enough. And I am enough.