Challenges with Eating Out

I'm on vacation this week.  I'm thrilled to be down 1.5 pounds from last week, but afraid I'll regain it this week because of plans to eat out.  I know how to do this.  I know how to look at menus and make good choices.  But, one thing that I hope to achieve this week is eating CONSCIOUSLY.  So often I sit down, eat, and don't even pay attention until the last bite.  Now, I'm becoming aware about half-way through the meal.  So much that I read says to eat S-L-O-W-L-Y and to really enjoy each bite.  When I remember to do this, I really do eat less because I am more satisfied.

I haven't exercised yet today because it's been a travel day.  And, I've only had 4 1/2 hours sleep (early flight and couldn't fall asleep) so I know this can contribute to pour eating habits.  But, I am AWARE of this, so hopefully I'll just end up going to bed early.

Tonight is Fondue.  I will go easy on the cheese, have vegetables and only a piece or two of bread, enjoy the salad (dressing on the side) and have one or two small pieces of something dipped in chocolate for dessert.  I'll forgo the glass of chardonnay for water, and eat slowly.  This is even harder when I am with others because the conversation can be a distraction.

124.4

I have resorted to tracking again.  I thought I was done with this and was ready for 'intuitive' eating.  I was wrong.  For someone who used to like to be 'right' I have realized over the years that I really don't always know what I am doing. I don't have all the answers.  I am willing to be wrong.

The other night we ate at Chili's.  Now I know how to track WW points, calories, read restaurant menus, make sound choices.  But, I also know that I put my head in the sand and look the other way and pretend that my choices aren't all that bad sometimes.  My Chili's Black Bean burger (with ranch ON THE SIDE) on a wheat bun and steamed broccoli seemed like a good choice.  I used to get this all the time (and eat half).  This time I ate 3/4 of it, 75% of the broccoli. Together that was 484 calories.  My son and I shared a brownie sundae - big mistake! The whole thing has 1290 calories.  I ate 1/4 = 322.5 calories - sooooo not worth it.  The sundae was most definitely NOT an intuitive choice, and I was not physically hungry before I ate it. My dinner alone was 806 calories!  My maintenance level is 1142 calories.  No wonder I am not losing these 8 pounds.  I have been refusing to be honest about my choices.  I have ignored the reality that I am NOT making good choices. I have been pretending that I can do this without paying attention to calories. At this point in time, I need to keep track.

My Jimmy John's #4 with cheese no mayo for lunch yesterday was 316.5 calories (I only ate 3/4) and my Thinny Chips (90% of them) were 117 calories.  Tracking is eye-opening. Again. Yesterday I finished at 1303 calories consumed, 306 calories burned on the treadmill.  A part of me loves crunching numbers AND a part of me sits with her head in hands, discouraged, wondering if I'll ever be able to figure this out 'intuitively.'  For now, it's more important to me to lose the 8 pounds.  I know how to do that with the calories in versus calories burned method.  I'm headed for the treadmill now.

Naturally Thin

Heidi Lauckhardt-Rhoades wrote, "A naturally thin person does not overeat seriously, watch someone who is naturally thin.  They eat until satisfied and that’s it." on The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans site. Yes, when I was naturally thin, I never overate.  I ate what I wanted, didn't count calories, didn't even really care what a calorie was. I ate until I was satisfied, but I don't know that I would have even been able to articulate that.  I think I would have just said that I was finished. Done. Full. Fine. Didn't want anymore. How did I know I was done?  I don't recall.


Now, I can eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream until that last chunk of chocolate is found and finished.  If there is more 'monkey' left when the 'chunky' is all eaten, I dump it down the garbage disposal.  I get very upset if I eat the last chunk of chocolate and don't realize it's the LAST ONE.  It's as if I am eating to get to the last chunk of chocolate.  This is not the behavior of a naturally thin person.  How would a naturally thin person eat Chunky Monkey?  WOULD a naturally thin person even buy it, much less eat it?  Yes, I ate it when I was naturally thin.  Someone else put a serving in a bowl for me.  I didn't know how many chunks of chocolate were in my bowl or in that pint.  I enjoyed each bite, or enjoyed the taste and texture and when it was finished I didn't give it a second thought.  I paid more attention to the conversations and the people I was with.  This is an actual scene from my past that I have just described.  I was actually the very first time I ever ate Chunky Monkey ice cream.  


For today, I will act AS IF I am naturally thin.  I will eat AS IF I am naturally thin. I will behave AS IF I am naturally thin.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Here I Go Again

I am a yo-yo dieter. Today I weigh 124.6 pounds. I have been in the process of figuring out why I keep gaining and losing and gaining and losing the same 8-10 pounds. I am not someone who had a weight issue as a child. If anything, I was always on the thin side of average. As a teen, I developed an overactive thyroid and lost weight. Back then (the 1970's) anorexia wasn't something I even knew about, but I looked as if I had anorexia. I didn't. It took many years to regain the weight. Ever since my first child was born, it's required 'effort' to lose weight. After she was born, my thyroid took a turn in the opposite direction and stopped working. I managed to lose the baby weight (down to 118 pounds) so that I could immediately get pregnant with baby number two (which I did, less than three months after my daughter was born).

I had baby #3 a little less than two years after my second child. That child is 16 years old now. And this weight lose/gain cycle is getting old, boring, depressing, discouraging, and frustrating. I can lose the weight. I've done it using many, many different methods. It's keeping it off that seems to be the problem. This time, a part of me won't even let me BEGIN the losing process unless and until I figure out the maintenance part. This is a story about my journey. Looking back on the last 16 years and looking at what's happening today. With insight, I hope resolve this weight loss and maintenance issue for good!